Eli


You are so incredibly precious and so far away. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve made you up.

You wanted to be held but they wouldn’t let me for as long as I wanted to. Wanting nothing more than to hold you always,  I needed you to hold me back and you did. So small, so fragile, and if only I could look after you forever, and tell you everything I know and do not know. I can only pretend, and imagine.

We would play and smile and I’d teach you my language and you’d teach me yours or maybe silence and the beauty of it. I’d teach you all the colours of feeling and I’d tell you to never forget that you are alive. I’d try to tell you what that means. You would teach me patience and what it is to be truly selfless, and perhaps you’d teach me to have peace.

A couple of years old and you are loving and generous and I want to see you grow. You are heart-crushingly scared, because of the dismantling of the world I’ll never know which was your everything.

Thank the Lord or whoever is up there for your little life.

I will never forget you.